Tomorrows

Hey y'all. Just a little update on my life!
My sister-in-love had her baby, a beautiful boy named Andy. He's already stolen our hearts! My other sister is on bedrest until she reaches 36 weeks with the twins. They've finally decided on names! The girl is Swayze, and the boy is Sawyer. Such cute, Southern names!

I am in the homestretch with school! If I cram, I could be done with A&P next week, and worldview the next! I will be taking the ACT this Saturday. I am very stressed and very nervous. My overactive imagination keeps telling me I'll fail and have to work at a restaurant for the rest of my life.
If this is how college will be like, I may die. (No, I'm not dramatic at all.)

Other than the stress with ACT and college prep, my life is pretty dang amazing right now. I'm graduating in 36 days, and my 18th birthday is in 46 days. So yeah, pretty amazing. If only I knew how the next few years would end, I would be worry free. Will I be working at the women's hospital, helping to bring babies in the world? Will I have some babies of my own? The fact that I'm actually old enough to be married is a little startling. Surely yesterday I was painting my face with war paint and whooping down the gullies? Life changes so fast, y'all. I think I've decided I'm going to be an old maid aunt who has ginormous dogs and spoils her many nieces/nephews with candy and donuts. My sibs will love that, right?

But no matter what my future holds, whether it holds joy and laughter, or sadness and despair, I know that God guides me through life and knows that final chapter. He knows all of my dreams, of my darkest secrets, all of my thoughts, and He knows my heart. And I can rest in Him, knowing that He holds all things in His hands, and takes care of His children.

So I'll jump for joy and laugh and be happy, because these days are like pearls slipping off a string, each one with its golden moments. And I'll always look forward to the next tomorrow, because all the tomorrows have new adventures in them.

Dear, old world, you are very lovely, and I'm very glad to be alive in you.

       

7:15 AM

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Tuesday, Mar 21

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Memphis, TN, US

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Monday, Mar 20

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Changing Scenes of Life

Well, what do you know. I posted again.

Let me tell you what's going on in my life. My sister is expecting twins, and my brother is about to have his first baby! Lots of babies in my family right now. I am the happy babysitter to an amazing family who treat me like one of their family, and I am able to start saving for a rainy day.

I think I've posted in the past that my family and I have been looking around Tupelo for a church we can call home. It took a while, and we were very encouraged at what we saw. There actually are churches out there that preach the Word of God and who live it out in their day-to-day lives, believe it or not! We have been visiting Calvary Baptist for a few months, and I will be joining tomorrow.
After two years of being a Christian, I will be baptized.

Two weeks ago, I had a very awkward, and somewhat hurtful, situation. I was hurt (emotionally, not physically) and didn't really know what to do. It was a great opening for bitterness and hate, and it was hard not to. I have never felt bitterness towards people like I did a few weeks ago. I finally realized that, you know what? People are going to be mean and hurtful and they are going to do spiteful things. And you know what else? I could overlook that. So I did, after a talk with myself.
So I'm learning to take life's bitterness with the sweet, and to embrace the life I have with open arms, because today only comes once, and I don't want to spoil it with bitterness.
So here's a picture of me enjoying life to the fullest, and grabbing onto adventures because they'll only come once. I've decided to hold onto joy, because I know I'll need it.

Overwhelmed

Keeping up with this blog is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I haven't really forgotten about it, it's just been shoved way down on my long list of priorities.
Let me give y'all an update on my life. I'm in the last semester of high school (thank you, Jesus). I'm now a proud holder of a driver's license! I now have a job. I am now extremely overwhelmed.

To the people who have a job through high school and college, I applaud you. Loudly and enthusiastically. You deserve it.
I hate to say it, but that's just adulting on a small level. I don't have any bills to pay, I don't pay rent, I don't buy my food (unless I'm in town and need lunch). So technically I'm not an adult yet, but I'm on the pathway to that great unknown world.

Yesterday I cleaned someone's house. I felt so proud of myself for getting to the boonies (where they live) all by myself, and cleaning the major rooms of their home by myself. Today I meet with a lady and three children whom I will be nannying/helping to homeschool. Three days a week I will not be home, which leaves two days to do a week's worth of school. Hooray?

The highlight of my life is that I have been to Disney World! Everyone called me "Princess" and the rides and food and characters were amazing. It was so magically perfect!

This will probably be my last post for a while. I may start vlogging on the Youtubes, so if I do that I'll post a link so y'all can see my crazy life in action! :)

Kaelan



P.S. if someone wanted to bring me a roll of spicy California sushi and a bottle of sparkling cider, I will love you forever.

Here's an unedited senior picture. Just for kicks. 

I'm blowing glitter, just in case you're wondering.

:) 

I Rest My Weary Soul

Are you ever weary? Completely emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted? In my seventeen short years of life on this earth, I have only been that way twice. Once when I thought I could never come to Christ, and once when Dad had heart surgery and I had to be "in charge", to a certain extent, of the house, plus worrying about Dad and doing school. But I have since discovered Love that will not let me go, no matter how tired I am, no matter how doubtful I can be. Not even when I don't feel like reading the Bible or praying. Do you ever feel that way? I do. It is depressing to be that way, but sometimes I have to force myself to pray and seek God. I almost deleted what I just read thinking that it wouldn't be something I want an unbeliever to read, but God doesn't promise an easy road. He says to "pick up your cross and follow Me." My cross happens to be rather large, and I always fall on the way, but I have Love that I can rest my weary soul in. 

Do you ever wonder why God notices us? "What is man, that You are mindful of him, or the son of man, that You visit him?" The same God who calls the stars by name and orders things in existence out of nothing knows our every thought, desire, and even knows the number of hairs on our head. He cares about us enough to send His Son to be our Mediator, to die on the cross, to take our penalty, that we may be with Him in ETERNITY. I capitalized "eternity" for a reason. Have you ever tried to figure out how long eternity is? It's unfathomable how long it is. And we will be with our God for ETERNITY. 

I love this hymn by George Matheson because it pretty much sums up my life so far. In the first stanza, it tells how we give back the life we owe, that in His ocean depths its flow may richer, fuller be. When we become Christians, our lives are no longer ours, but Christ's. I think the second verse says it so well, I can't summarize it further.

In the third stanza, the Joy that sought me through my pain, won't let me close my heart to it. When I had thoughts that I didn't want to have, Joy sought me. I traced the rainbow (God's promise) through the rain that seemed more like ocean waves during a storm that was trying to drown me, and I knew that in Christ there would be peace.  

In the final stanza, I can't ask to be away from my God, because nothing in me desires to go back to sin. I've been down that road and I never want to be there again. My glory died the night I became a Christian, and I became clothed in Christ's glory. 

Whose glory are you clothed in?

"O Love that wilt not let me go,

I rest my weary soul in Thee;

I give Thee back the life I owe,

That in Thine ocean depths its flow

May richer, fuller be.

O Light that followest all my way,

I yield my flickering torch to Thee;

My heart restores its borrowed ray,

That in Thy sunshine’s blaze its day

May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,

I cannot close my heart to Thee;

I trace the rainbow through the rain,

And feel the promise is not vain,

That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,

I dare not ask to fly from Thee;

I lay in dust life’s glory dead,

And from the ground there blossoms red

Life that shall endless be."

-George Matheson-

Kaelan

Indeed I Do

"I do - oh, indeed I do - desire to live up to my profession, to be His, for time and eternity. But I am learning to see how very weak I am, and how easily Satan can conquer me even when I do strive against him. I do believe with my head that Jesus can, and will give me His grace, and I do not need to fear, yet somehow my heart seems to be hard and cold and not to take it in. Oh, if we were but there - where there is no more sin! Oh, do not forget to pray for me, and don't ever doubt the love of your unworthy friend." -Frances Ridley Havergal 

This sums up what I have been struggling with for a while. I do believe in my head that Jesus can, and will give me His grace, but my heart doubts. I crave the day that I might be in heaven, where there is no sin, no doubting; where I can be with my Savior and see Him without a veil. There is a great chasm that I cannot cross when I read the Scripture and pray. I am held back by pride and selfish desires. I'm human. I have a stubborn will, and I want what I want. But that may not be what He wants for me. 
As I go through my days, the fifth verse of this hymn is what goes through my mind. 

1. Take my life and let it be
   Consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
   Take my moments and my days,
   Let them flow in endless praise.
2. Take my hands and let them move
   At the impulse of Thy love.
   Take my feet and let them be
   Swift and beautiful for Thee.
3. Take my voice and let me sing,
   Always, only for my King.
   Take my lips and let them be
   Filled with messages from Thee.
4. Take my silver and my gold,
   Not a mite would I withhold.
   Take my intellect and use
   Every pow’r as Thou shalt choose.
5. Take my will and make it Thine,
   It shall be no longer mine.
   Take my heart, it is Thine own,
   It shall be Thy royal throne.
6. Take my love, my Lord, I pour
   At Thy feet its treasure store.
   Take myself and I will be
   Ever, only, all for Thee.
7. -Frances Havergal

Kaelan

Oh, Blessed Thought!

Since July of this year, my family and I have been searching around our hometown for a church to attend. We have visited several that we liked, and some that we felt the Lord wasn't calling us to attend there. It's difficult to ask Dad every week, "Where are we going Sunday?" I crave normalcy. I want to just go somewhere and stay there and make new friends who are Christians like me.
But sometimes it's not like that. Sometimes we go through trials. But through those trials, He leadeth me. 
A year ago this month Dad had open heart surgery. I have to admit, I kept wondering if he would make it through. I wondered if my dad would walk me down the aisle, if he would get to hold my children, if he would be there when my baby brother graduated high school. He will, of course, because he came through that with flying colors.
That was probably the hardest month of my life. But it taught me a very valuable lesson. Dependency on Christ. There is no way on this earth that I would be able to face tomorrow without Christ to lean on. He doesn't promise me normalcy, but He does promise me He will lead me. 

I know this is a very short post, but it's Sunday night and there's a cobbler in the oven. I'll leave with this wonderful hymn: 

1. He leadeth me, O blessed thought!
   O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
   Whate’er I do, where’er I be
   Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.
   • 
     
     He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
     By His own hand He leadeth me;
     His faithful foll’wer I would be,
     For by His hand He leadeth me.
2. Sometimes ’mid scenes of deepest gloom,
   Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom,
   By waters still, o’er troubled sea,
   Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me.
3. 
   He leadeth me, He leadeth me,

   By His own hand He leadeth me;

   His faithful foll’wer I would be,

   For by His hand He leadeth me.
4. Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
   Nor ever murmur nor repine;
   Content, whatever lot I see,
   Since ’tis my God that leadeth me.
5. 
   He leadeth me, He leadeth me,

   By His own hand He leadeth me;

   His faithful foll’wer I would be,

   For by His hand He leadeth me.
6. And when my task on earth is done,
   When by Thy grace the vict’ry’s won,
   E’en death’s cold wave I will not flee,
   Since God through Jordan leadeth me.
7. 
   He leadeth me, He leadeth me,

   By His own hand He leadeth me;

   His faithful foll’wer I would be,

   For by His hand He leadeth me.

Kaelan

But restful, calm and pliant, from bend and bias free,
Awaiting Thy decision, when Thou hast need of me.
Live out Thy life within me, O Jesus, King of kings!
Be Thou the glorious answer to all my questionings.

Thou Chose Me

I didn't want Him as a child. I didn't want Him as a rebellious preteen. But now Christ is all I want. 

There is a phrase I love so much. "We can have as much of God as we want." There is a certain apprehensiveness that comes along with reading that, though. For a Christian, it is a glorious thing. But for the unbeliever... Well, it means the same thing as it does for the Christian. They can have as much of God as they want, too. Which is usually very little. 

I believe I am called to be a nurse. To help people, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. I sometimes think that I am being called to be a nursing missionary. In another country. I am still praying about it. I'm still seeking God in this matter. And I've started getting the ball rolling in preparation of nursing school. I am doing a course on Advanced A&P this last year of homeschool. 

I want to work in an environment that will give me the opportunity to show people in need the love of Christ. I pray even now that people will glimpse Christ in me. 

"'Tis not I that chose Thee,

For, Lord, that could not be;

This heart would still refuse Thee

Hadst Thou not chosen me. 

Thou from the sin that stained me

Hast cleansed and set me free;

Of old Thou hast ordained me,

That I should live to Thee.

'Twad sovereign mercy called me,

And taught my opening mind;

The world had else enthralled me,

To heavenly glories blind. 

My heart owns none above Thee;

For Thy rich grace I thirst;

This knowing, if I love Thee,

Thou must have loved me first."

-Josiah Condor-

Kaelan