Indeed I Do

"I do - oh, indeed I do - desire to live up to my profession, to be His, for time and eternity. But I am learning to see how very weak I am, and how easily Satan can conquer me even when I do strive against him. I do believe with my head that Jesus can, and will give me His grace, and I do not need to fear, yet somehow my heart seems to be hard and cold and not to take it in. Oh, if we were but there - where there is no more sin! Oh, do not forget to pray for me, and don't ever doubt the love of your unworthy friend." -Frances Ridley Havergal 

This sums up what I have been struggling with for a while. I do believe in my head that Jesus can, and will give me His grace, but my heart doubts. I crave the day that I might be in heaven, where there is no sin, no doubting; where I can be with my Savior and see Him without a veil. There is a great chasm that I cannot cross when I read the Scripture and pray. I am held back by pride and selfish desires. I'm human. I have a stubborn will, and I want what I want. But that may not be what He wants for me. 
As I go through my days, the fifth verse of this hymn is what goes through my mind. 

1. Take my life and let it be
   Consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
   Take my moments and my days,
   Let them flow in endless praise.
2. Take my hands and let them move
   At the impulse of Thy love.
   Take my feet and let them be
   Swift and beautiful for Thee.
3. Take my voice and let me sing,
   Always, only for my King.
   Take my lips and let them be
   Filled with messages from Thee.
4. Take my silver and my gold,
   Not a mite would I withhold.
   Take my intellect and use
   Every pow’r as Thou shalt choose.
5. Take my will and make it Thine,
   It shall be no longer mine.
   Take my heart, it is Thine own,
   It shall be Thy royal throne.
6. Take my love, my Lord, I pour
   At Thy feet its treasure store.
   Take myself and I will be
   Ever, only, all for Thee.
7. -Frances Havergal

Kaelan

Oh, Blessed Thought!

Since July of this year, my family and I have been searching around our hometown for a church to attend. We have visited several that we liked, and some that we felt the Lord wasn't calling us to attend there. It's difficult to ask Dad every week, "Where are we going Sunday?" I crave normalcy. I want to just go somewhere and stay there and make new friends who are Christians like me.
But sometimes it's not like that. Sometimes we go through trials. But through those trials, He leadeth me. 
A year ago this month Dad had open heart surgery. I have to admit, I kept wondering if he would make it through. I wondered if my dad would walk me down the aisle, if he would get to hold my children, if he would be there when my baby brother graduated high school. He will, of course, because he came through that with flying colors.
That was probably the hardest month of my life. But it taught me a very valuable lesson. Dependency on Christ. There is no way on this earth that I would be able to face tomorrow without Christ to lean on. He doesn't promise me normalcy, but He does promise me He will lead me. 

I know this is a very short post, but it's Sunday night and there's a cobbler in the oven. I'll leave with this wonderful hymn: 

1. He leadeth me, O blessed thought!
   O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
   Whate’er I do, where’er I be
   Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.
   • 
     
     He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
     By His own hand He leadeth me;
     His faithful foll’wer I would be,
     For by His hand He leadeth me.
2. Sometimes ’mid scenes of deepest gloom,
   Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom,
   By waters still, o’er troubled sea,
   Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me.
3. 
   He leadeth me, He leadeth me,

   By His own hand He leadeth me;

   His faithful foll’wer I would be,

   For by His hand He leadeth me.
4. Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
   Nor ever murmur nor repine;
   Content, whatever lot I see,
   Since ’tis my God that leadeth me.
5. 
   He leadeth me, He leadeth me,

   By His own hand He leadeth me;

   His faithful foll’wer I would be,

   For by His hand He leadeth me.
6. And when my task on earth is done,
   When by Thy grace the vict’ry’s won,
   E’en death’s cold wave I will not flee,
   Since God through Jordan leadeth me.
7. 
   He leadeth me, He leadeth me,

   By His own hand He leadeth me;

   His faithful foll’wer I would be,

   For by His hand He leadeth me.

Kaelan

But restful, calm and pliant, from bend and bias free,
Awaiting Thy decision, when Thou hast need of me.
Live out Thy life within me, O Jesus, King of kings!
Be Thou the glorious answer to all my questionings.

Thou Chose Me

I didn't want Him as a child. I didn't want Him as a rebellious preteen. But now Christ is all I want. 

There is a phrase I love so much. "We can have as much of God as we want." There is a certain apprehensiveness that comes along with reading that, though. For a Christian, it is a glorious thing. But for the unbeliever... Well, it means the same thing as it does for the Christian. They can have as much of God as they want, too. Which is usually very little. 

I believe I am called to be a nurse. To help people, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. I sometimes think that I am being called to be a nursing missionary. In another country. I am still praying about it. I'm still seeking God in this matter. And I've started getting the ball rolling in preparation of nursing school. I am doing a course on Advanced A&P this last year of homeschool. 

I want to work in an environment that will give me the opportunity to show people in need the love of Christ. I pray even now that people will glimpse Christ in me. 

"'Tis not I that chose Thee,

For, Lord, that could not be;

This heart would still refuse Thee

Hadst Thou not chosen me. 

Thou from the sin that stained me

Hast cleansed and set me free;

Of old Thou hast ordained me,

That I should live to Thee.

'Twad sovereign mercy called me,

And taught my opening mind;

The world had else enthralled me,

To heavenly glories blind. 

My heart owns none above Thee;

For Thy rich grace I thirst;

This knowing, if I love Thee,

Thou must have loved me first."

-Josiah Condor-

Kaelan 

I Gladly Resign

I have been so convicted of late about how my pride is interfering with my walk with Christ. I feel like I have something to offer Him, and I constantly have to remind myself that I am nothing before I can fully realize that He is everything. Like when I dance, I want to take the lead. I constantly have to remind myself to let the guy leading me take the lead. I could say something cheesy and clichè, like "Life is a dance; let God be your leader", but that's too light to say about something as serious as a baby Christian's walk with Christ.

A dear lady from a church we had been attending sent me a little booklet entitled, "Looking Unto Jesus". Here are a few quotes from it that really struck a chord with me:

"We look unto Jesus to receive from Him the task and the cross for each day, with the grace which is sufficient to carry the cross and to accomplish the task; the grace that enables us to be patient with His patience, active with His activity, loving with His love; never asking "What am I able for?" but rather: "What is He not able for?" and waiting for His strength which is made perfect in our weakness.

We look unto to Jesus to go forth from ourselves and to forget ourselves; so that our darkness may flee away before the brightness of His face; so that our joys may be holy, and our sorrow restrained; that He may cast us down, and that He may raise us up; that He may afflict us, and that He may comfort us; that He may despoil us, and that He may enrich us; that He may teach us to pray, and that He may answer our prayers; that while leaving us in the world, He may separate us from it, our life being hidden with Him in God, and our behavior bearing witness to Him before men."

Did you see the part where it said "...waiting for His strength which is made PERFECT in our WEAKNESS"? Christ's strength, immeasurable, unchanging strength, is made absolutely perfect in our weakness. I don't know about you, but I sure am weak. As much as my pride hates to admit it, I am. I doubt. I fear. I'm anxious. I worry. But, I also wait for His strength which is made perfect in my weakness. 

Look at the second paragraph. See all that? All of that.... I really don't know what to say. I think it says it perfectly itself. The last part of that last sentence of the second paragraph really scares me, though. Is my behavior bearing witness to Him before men? I am smack-dab in the middle of four brothers. I am the only girl at home. I have quite a bit of trouble trying not to boss my little (and older...) brothers around. Is that behavior bearing witness to Christ before my brothers? No. 

I want to share with you a hymn that is especially close to me as I struggle with pride that doesn't want to let me go. 

"Nearer, still nearer, close to Thy heart,

Draw, me my Savior, so precious Thou art;

Fold me, O fold me close to Thy breast,

Shelter me safe in that 'Haven of Rest'.

Nearer, still nearer, nothing I bring,

Nought as an offering to Jesus my King;

Only my sinful, now contrite heart;

Grant me the cleansing Thy blood doth impart.

Nearer, still nearer, Lord, to be Thine,

Sin, with its follies, I gladly resign,

All of its pleasures, pomp and its pride:

Give me but Jesus, my Lord crucified.

Nearer, still nearer, while life shall last,

Till all its struggles and trials are past;

Then through eternity, ever I'll be

Nearer, my Savior, still nearer to Thee."

-Leila Morris-

That second, third, and fourth verse especially. "Sin, with its follies, I gladly resign." "...nothing I bring, nought as an offering to Jesus my King."

My pride would love to say I have a lot to offer God. But when I look at myself, I have nothing to bring as an offering to my King. 

"Give me but Jesus, my Lord crucified."

If I do nothing in this world, but have Jesus, my life was not in vain. And when this feeble frame of mine breathes its last and I enter into that Haven of Rest for ETERNITY, my mind can't even grasp this, "ever I'll be nearer, my Savior, still nearer to Thee."

Kaelan 

"May His beauty rest upon me

As I seek the lost to win,

And may they forget the channel, 

Seeing only Him."

-Katie Wilkinson-

Hallelujah! What a Savior!

I think I should tell you a little bit about myself before I do any more posts.

My name is Kaelan Chamblee (Kay-lin Sham-bley). I am a seventeen-year-old girl who lives in Tupelo, Mississippi. I am a senior who is homeschooled, I play the violin and piano, and I have just started dance lessons. I am child number five in a family of seven children. I have seven nieces and nephews, with more on the way!

I became a Christian in March of 2015. I'm still growing and maturing and discovering Who my Christ is. When I was thirteen, my sister got married. She was kind of like my security blanket, and when she left, I started obsessively washing my hands and began showing signs of anxiety and depression. My hands were constantly red, which became embarrassing because people would ask me what was wrong with them. My anxiety became worse after a few months, and I began to have trouble sleeping. I would have to have ALL the lights on, and sometimes I would even have to get my mom to sleep in my room with me just so I could feel safe. I began to have dark thoughts, but I didn't want to think them. I became physically and emotionally exhausted by the time I was fourteen. I no longer wanted to continue this way. I wanted everything to be over. And that scared me to death.
I struggled like this for a year before my parents became aware that I was in this state. After they knew how anxious I really was, my dad would stay up with me when I couldn't sleep.

Fast forward to March of 2015. I read in John about my Christ, and that night He clearly showed me Himself. I had struggled for years, trying to understand how I was supposed to give my burdens to Someone I couldn't physically see. But that night, I understood. I could JUST COME. I could trust.
And I did. I repented. My Christ bore my sins, my burdens, and my struggles for me. And I was clothed in righteousness through Christ my own. That night I finally slept in perfect peace for the first time in two years.
Ever since then, my OCD and anxiety have subsided. God truly used them to bring me to Himself.

I hope that if you struggle with anxiety, just reading this will give you hope. But while it may encourage you, only Christ can offer freedom from that prison of hopelessness.

"Man of Sorrows! what a name

For the Son of God, who came

Ruined sinners to reclaim.

Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Bearing shame and scoffing rude,

In my place condemned He stood;

Sealed my pardon with His blood.

Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Guilty, vile, and helpless we;

Spotless Lamb of God was He;

“Full atonement!” can it be?

Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Lifted up was He to die;

“It is finished!” was His cry;

Now in Heav’n exalted high.

Hallelujah! What a Savior!

When He comes, our glorious King,

All His ransomed home to bring,

Then anew His song we’ll sing:

Hallelujah! What a Savior!"

-Phillip Bliss-

Kaelan

I've Found the Pearl of Greatest Price!

Why is my blog titled "pearls", and why is my web address "my heart doth sing"?
Because of one hymn that is so precious to me.

"I've found the pearl of greatest price!
My heart doth sing for joy;
And sing I must, for Christ is mine!
Christ shall my song employ.

Christ is my Prophet, Priest, and King;
My Prophet full of light,
My great High Priest before the throne,
My King of heav'nly might.

For He indeed is Lord of lords,
And He the King of kings;
He is the Sun of Righteousness,
With healing in his wings.

Christ is my peace; He died for me,
For me He shed His blood;
And as my wondrous Sacrifice,
Offered Himself to God.

Christ Jesus is my all in all,
My comfort and my love;
My life below, and He shall be
My joy and crown above."

-John Mason-

This blog is mainly going to be about what I have discovered about my Lord, hymns, quotes from books and Scripture, and some things about my life. I hope this encourages you to seek the Lord while He may be found, to call upon Him while He is near. I pray this blog will lift your spirits, and draw you ever closer to the King of kings. 

Kaelan